Thoughts of a pregnant 41 year old

I have felt burdened lately. Let me explain why.

When we adopted Elly, after trying to get pregnant and longing for years for children, everyone was so excited for us. Even though I was 33 (considered older in terms of starting a family), still everyone was so happy for us. When I found out I was pregnant with Samuel (just after my 34^th birthday), people once again were so happy and thrilled for us.

When we told people we were going to adopt from India in October of last year, we were so excited about the calling God has given us. However, people were hesitant this time to be as thrilled as they were with Elly and Samuel. I attribute it to the cost factor of adoption. However, I think people looked at us and thought “why?” We had two very healthy children and now we were looking to add a special needs child to our family. Some were genuinely excited, some were scared for us, but others were just apathetic.

When we found out in January that we were pregnant once again and therefore putting the India adoption on hold, people were once again excited. Not as excited as with Elly and Samuel, but still more excited than when we announced we were adopting from India…and shocked! People that NEVER congratulated us on pursing the Lord’s will for our family with our India adoption, were now coming out of the wood work to say congratulations about being pregnant. This confused me quite a bit, but I moved on.

This time I am 41 years old and pregnant so I also see another side that I never expected. I get to hear things like…

“Don’t you know what causes this?” Um yes we do…but we also know God is the giver of life and He is the one that has blessed us with this pregnancy. It might not have been part of our plan at this stage of life, but it was part of His.

“Better you than me!” Um…yes, we feel the same way. Although you might see our pregnancy as a burden, we see it as a blessing.

“I am having/looking forward to grandchildren and you are still having babies.” Um…really, I had not noticed!

And other random things that honestly you would be shocked to know people have said to me.

I have to tell you, it hurts to hear those things coming from the people I love. And up until yesterday at church, I was letting it steal my joy and make me almost bitter. As I sat in my connect group (Sunday school class), I realized that I had allowed the cares of this world to overtake my joy. Slowly but surely, I was letting Satan bring me down and make me worry more about what others thought of my pregnancy rather than focusing on the blessing that I have growing in my body. Tears ran down my face as I realized I needed to let go of what others were thinking/saying/implying about my pregnancy and focus only on God's plan...God's purpose in this pregnancy!

I am 41, considered “advanced maternal age,” and older than most people who get pregnant but that does not make this pregnancy any less of a blessing than another. It does not make it any less exciting for us. We know for certain that God has big plans for this baby and we cannot wait to see His plan for her life unfold…just as we do for our other two. Will things be different this time around? Sure, but we would not change it for the world. So, please, look at me and see someone who is blessed beyond measure…do not look on me and say things to me out of pity!

The back story and a pregnancy update!

Now that we have had some time for this pregnancy to sink in, I thought I would give you an update.

January 3, 2017 will be a day that we will not forget. Let me give you some back story. 

I stopped taking birth control in 2005 as Tim and I were praying that God would grow our family. I did not get pregnant after numerous months of trying.  We prayed and prayed and felt the tug on our hearts to adopt. This was not a second best option for us, but was the one that God was calling us to. On Halloween 2008, our sweet Elly was placed in our arms. She fulfilled all of our desires to be parents. We honestly thought she would be it for us. Lots of women, when they deal with infertility and then decide to adopt, experience a deep desire to be pregnant leaving them feeling incomplete. I never had those feelings (note: please do not think I am minimizing those who do still desire to get pregnant after adopting, it is just not part of our story). Elly had made me a Mommy and we thought our family was complete. I never started taking birth control again because we thought I could not get pregnant. After all, I had been off birth control for quite awhile and at this point Tim and had been married for 12 years.

On my birthday 34th, July 31, 2009, 9 months after Elly came home, I took a pregnancy test because I did not get my period when I should have. My body is pretty much clockwork so being a few days late was a big deal to me. I had bought one of those tests with two lines that show up if you are pregnant. Even though I took two of them and the lines clearly showed I was pregnant, I did not believe it. In fact, I did not even tell Tim that day. I waited until the next day after I went to the drug store and got a pregnancy test that showed "pregnant" in words before I truly believed it. I showed it to Tim and he was dumbfounded! Of course after we announced we were pregnant, we got lots of people who said "I hear of this all that time...people who get pregnant after adopting...all you had to do was relax." (For the record, it really does not happen as often as people believe it does.) For us, though, this was not the explanation we believed. We believe without a doubt that God meant for Elly to be apart of our family. Had the Lord allowed me to become pregnant, our sweet Elly would not have been a part of our lives. The Lord in all of His goodness knit Elly together in her mother's womb knowing she would be a part of our family! Praise the Lord! I went to the doctor and found out that I was due on April 1, 2010...none other than April Fools Day...tell me God does not have a sense of humor! Samuel arrived on April 7, 2010. Unlike after Elly came home and I thought we were done, Samuel's coming home for some reason gave me a deep desire to have many more! That feeling never left me. Fast forward a few years...

When I was approaching 38 in 2013, Tim and I talked about trying for another baby. At this point Samuel was 3 and Elly was 5. I knew that the 40s were quickly coming upon me. We decided that we would try to grow our family again. However, I did not get pregnant. We were ok with this. I turned 40 and being pregnant in my 40s was not in my plan. We knew that the Lord had blessed us with Samuel and Elly and if it was part of His plan, He could work out the details for us to have another. We had set our timeline of me turning 40...after that we would not continue to try.

I still had a deep desire to grow our family. After I turned 40, I began to pray that the Lord would soften Tim's heart towards adoption again. Tim is passionate about adoption too, but the money was always what has stopped us from adopting again. Finally, in October of last year, Tim said to me "if you can come up with the funds, we will adopt again!" I was overjoyed for I knew my God already had all the funds we needed! We prayed about what this adoption would look like for us and knew God was leading us to India! We started to fund raise and friends, family, and even strangers GENEROUSLY gave towards our adoption! The whole time we were in the process, we KNEW this was God's calling for us...to raise funds to bring a child home from India! Little did we know that we were raising funds to bring home a child...just not ours!

When I shared with my parents that we were going to adopt again, they were OVERJOYED! They also joked though that it would be funny if I ended up pregnant again after adopting like had happened the first time. I laughed and said "I am 41, there is no chance of that!"

You see, by this time, we had been off birth control since 2005...12 years...and if God wanted me to conceive again, surely it would have been before I was 41! After all, according to current standards, the chance of getting pregnant after 40 years old are somewhere between 1% and 7%...and that is IF you are trying to get pregnant! Surely, my days of being pregnant were OVER! Oh, but God was laughing at my lack of faith in what He could do!

Knowing, as before, that my cycles are like clockwork, I began to wonder what was going on with my body when I was 3 days late! I started researching early onset menopause...yes, that is true! There was so little chance that I was pregnant that I thought I must be going through menopause. However, in order to rule out pregnancy, I went to Walmart one night and purchased a few things...including a pregnancy test. I came home, shut myself up in the bathroom, and took the test. Within a minute, the test said "pregnant!" What?!? Really? I could not believe it! I called Tim upstairs and showed him the test. He was even more shocked than me and started laughing. How could this be? What would people think? You see, my joy turned into concern as I thought about the number of people who were already invested in our adoption. Would they be disappointed? Mad that they had donated and now I was pregnant? (I now know those thoughts were just the devil trying to steal my joy.) What should we do with the funds sitting in our adoption account? Tim and I had found out that we could not continue in the process to adopt from India due to India requirements and in addition, we could not start the process back up until our youngest child was one. Tim and I prayed about it and felt the Lord leading us to donate funds to others who were in the process of adoption. After all, by the time our newest addition was one, it would be about 2 years and so much can change in 2 years. We felt we were not being good stewards of the funds God had provided if we just let it sit in our account. Therefore, we shared about our pregnancy very early on (earlier than I would have liked) because we knew so many people were walking the adoption journey with us. People were continuing to ask us how the adoption was going and each time, we felt like we were lying when we could not tell them about the pregnancy!

People have continued to ask us if we will adopt after the baby is old enough. Our answer at this time is...we do not know! Only time will tell what God has planned for us. We did get our homestudy finished and it will be good for 3 years. We are definitely passionate about adoption in our family so I would not rule out adoption sometime in the future. For now, we are focusing on a healthy pregnancy and raising another child in the ways of the Lord!

So, how is this pregnancy going? I am 11 weeks along and I would love to say I am feeling great. But that is not the case. I have a "sick stomach" through most of the day that intensifies around 3pm. Being sicker in the afternoon makes getting dinner on the table a challenge for me. I am hopeful that once I reach the 2nd trimester in just a couple weeks that the sickness will ease off. I was not quite this sick with Samuel so this part is new to me. I am also very emotional which is hard for the kids, especially Samuel (he loves his Momma and cannot stand to see me cry...when I cry, he cries). Sometimes I cry for happy reasons, sometimes for sad reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all! HA! I can watch a movie I have seen numerous times and cry at the silliest of things. I can be in church and the pastor will say something that hits me and I will just tear up. Praise and worship in church gets me everytime! Pregnancy emotions are fun...said no one!

What do the kids think? They are over the moon with excitement! It is the topic of most every dinner meal. They want to know how big the baby is now, what the baby is doing, when they will be able to feel the baby move, when they will get to hold the baby, what the baby will look like, etc. But the most asked question is...do you think it is a boy or a girl? Daddy and Elly think it is a girl and Samuel is hoping, beyond all hope, for a boy! We should find out sometime in April who is right!

I am overwhelmed by the goodness and faithfulness of God! Even when I saw no chance whatsoever of getting pregnant and thought I was on the brink of menopause, God fulfilled the prayers that Tim and I had prayed for another child over 4 years prior. We had plans...we planned that I would get pregnant prior to me turning 40...but God had other plans! His plans are always better than ours! Some people would worry about what pregnancy after 40 holds, but we are so certain that this has been a part of God's story for us since before time began that we are resting in His promise to take care of us! God is good and He is ALWAYS faithful...even when we are not!

I am sitting back, enjoying this journey, and rejoicing in the time to come (Proverbs 31:25)! For our God has done "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think!" Ephesians 3:20

Responses you might get

When you announce you are expecting a surprise baby, here are some responses you might get...

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!
Congratulations!
So excited for you and a little jealous!
We are giddy with excitement!
You do know what causes this?!?
Better you than me.

From Samuel: No, No. It cannot be true. You are not pregnant, woman...by the way, how do babies get in your tummy!? (Eek...defer to Daddy)

My favorite from Elly: Our God has answered our prayers! I have wanted a baby for a long time!

Huge Surprise of 2017

Friends and Family,

On January 3, 2017, we found out that Linda is pregnant and due on September 7! Imagine how surprised we were (and still are)! We were NOT trying to get pregnant especially since we were in the process of adopting from India. This has rocked our world! Linda thought for sure that she must have been entering early menopause but that was NOT the case!

We rejoice in knowing that God is in complete control and that His ways are best. Linda was reminded of Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.” We, of course, had this adoption all planned out. Together we fundraised and so many of you donated funds toward our adoption.

After finding out Linda was pregnant, we contacted our adoption agency and confirmed that we could no longer be in the adoption process. India is very strict with this and will not allow you to adopt while pregnant and your youngest child has to be at least one to start the process.

So now what?!? What is the Lord’s will for the adoption money we raised?

We believe that God still wants to bring an orphan home from India, but just not to our home at this time. We could let the money sit in our adoption savings account hoping that in 2 years or so we could start the journey again, but so much can happen in 2 years. If we just let the money sit there, it would not be helping anyone. Even though we are no longer on the adoption journey, we still feel strongly and passionately for the orphans in India. They are all God’s children! Therefore, we are approaching you, our donors, and asking you to prayerfully consider allowing us to give the money you have donated to us to another family who is adopting from India. Shortly after we started our adoption path to India, one of Linda’s friends contacted her and said that they were being called by God in the same direction and are now in the process of adopting from India. They are even using the very same agency we decided to use! They were only several weeks behind us in the process. If you would like more information about them, please feel free to contact me.

If you would like for us to send your money back to you, please contact Linda and let her know. Otherwise, if we have not heard from you by January 23, we will make a donation to help our friends adopt from India. I would LOVE to be able to bless them with a considerable donation and help them bring home one of God’s blessings from India!

Continue to follow our blog (cumby.blogspot.com) which will now document Linda’s pregnancy instead of adoption! We are thankful for each of you!

Blessings!

Tim, Linda, Elly, and Samuel Cumby

Final Homestudy Visit and an Update

We had our final homestudy visit this morning here at Panera (yum)! The kids did not have to be there so my mom came and kept the kids for us! This was our LAST homestudy visit...yippee! Now we just wait for the write up. Our social worker is hoping to have our homestudy report done by the middle of January. She would have it done sooner, but with the Christmas holidays and her taking some vacation...you get the picture!

What do we do now? Wait and wait some more! Friday I mailed off all of the documents that COTW has requested from us so I have no more paperwork for the agency to do at this time.

BUT...

I can now work on some grants. I am going to take the next couple of days to work on filling out some grant paperwork. When our homestudy is approved, we can make a copy, put it in the envelope we are mailing off, and wait for the grant response!

Where are we with fundraising? As of this morning, we (meaning you all) have given and/or contributed through fundraising $6,350! Wow! We are completely blessed! You all have been so very generous. Where does that leave us...

$1,900 homestudy (paid)
$6,350 raised
Total of $8250

So we still have about $17750 to go. Sounds a lot better than $26,000, right?!? So...please pray that the Lord would continue to open the hearts of His people to give. Please pray that we would apply for and be approved for the grants the Lord would have for us!

What if you cannot give? You can still help. If you are on Facebook, please share my posts on fundraising/donating/GoFundMe, etc. We have been blown away by the number of strangers who have given towards our adoption or supported our fundraising just because they have a heart for orphans! So, share, share, share! And...join with us in fundraising...do you have a special skill that we might be able to use to raise some funds? Please let us know. We have had people make signs, ornaments, color pictures, make cookies, etc. just for the sole purpose of helping us to bring our child home.

This is our journey, but also yours! You have a part in it. God has called us all to care for the orphans. You might not be called to adopt, but as Christians we are called to do something. So, this is your journey too...the journey of Christians coming together to bring an orphan home! Please consider what your part might be!

What are we praying for?

What are we praying for?

We are praying that our referral of a child will come quickly. We cannot wait to see the sweet face of the child the Lord has chosen to be a part of the Cumby family!

We are praying that after we receive the referral that the NUMEROUS steps we have to take in India and with immigration will go smoothly and without problem so that our child can come home to the United States quickly!

We are praying that the Lord will give us ways to minister to others as we wait. Tim has several co-workers from India who are very interested in our adoption. We are praying that the Lord will give us a chance to minister to them and others as we share our love of adoption and our own adoption into the family of Christ!

We are praying for Elly and Samuel. They are very excited to welcome a sibling home, however; there will be a transition period that can be very lengthy. We are praying that the Lord will grow their faith during this time as they show love and protection to their new sibling!

We are praying for our new child. We will be taking him/her from the only life he/she has ever known. We are praying that the Lord will make this an easy transition and that bonding/attachment will be effortless!

Finally, we are still heavy into the fundraising portion of our adoption. At this point we have paid for the home study ($1900) and also have our first fees covered at our adoption agency ($6350). That leaves about a little less than $18,000 left to be raised. We are praying that the Lord would provide the funds through His people and also through the grants we are apply for! Our God is able to do exceedingly abundantly ABOVE what we could ask for imagine (Ephesians 3:20). $18,000 might seem like a big number to us but it is nothing to Him!

We would LOVE for you to join with us in praying! We know there is power in prayer!

Homestudy visit #1 and #2 and an update

I realized I never updated after homestudy visit #1 when I went this evening to update on #2 so I guess I should do a run down on both.

Our first homestudy visit went well...other than me getting sick on the way over due to car sickness. We met our caseworker at a Panera in VA Beach. We took the kids with us but my Dad met us to take the kids out for a little bit so that we did not have to have them with us. We had a good introduction visit with her and we chatted some about adoption and about why we were adopting from India. At that meeting we set up homestudy meeting #2 which was the one in our home.

Homestudy visit #2 is the one I stress over the most...the inspection visit. You have to make sure all guns are unloaded, all medicine and chemicals are locked up, that you have a safety plan in place for fire, that fire extinguishers and fire alarms work, etc. and etc. Things went well as I thought it probably would but it did not stop me from stressing over it. We also had to have individual meetings with the caseworker at this visit...each of us...even the kids! Of course, it was very minor and everyone did well.

We will have our third and final homestudy meeting on December 19th. After that, the caseworker will write up our homestudy and we can actually get things sent into INDIA!

We are excited, apprehensive, emotional, stressed, happy, anxious, all wrapped up in one. I have been doing a lot of reading on attachment/bonding because adopting an infant (Elly) and adopting a child internationally who will probably be a toddler are two very different scenarios!

Financial update...we have met our first financial goal of $6350! Yay! Praise God! Now...only $18,000 more to go...ha! We have done t-shirts, tumblers, necklaces, ornaments, etc. to raise funds in the past 6 weeks and we are so grateful to everyone who has supported us! We could not have done it without you. Once we get our homestudy approved, I will start applying for grants! Lord willing, we will qualify for some. In the meantime, please continue to pray that the Lord will provide the remaining funds we need!

Speaking of providing...a sweet friend 7 year old friend of Elly's (Taylor) is drawing and coloring pictures to support our adoption! People have jumped at the chance to support her endeavor and she has already raised over $80! Amazing...God is providing for us in ways I would have never imagined! He continues to show me that He does not need my help...this is for His glory!

Adoption T-shirts

We are doing a t-shirt fundraiser to help us raise the funds we need to pay the next payment that is due to Children of the World (www.childrenoftheworld.com). This fee includes our out of state home study review, service fee #1 and #2 to COTW, India facilitator fee, and dossier and authentication fee. The amount due is $6350.00.

Our t-shirts were designed just for us by Fund the Nations. Fund the Nations is an awesome company whose desire is to help others fulfill great commission!

The t-shirts are $20 for adult sizes small through x-large. XXL and XXXL are $2 extra. We have youth sizes also for $20. $5 for shipping for up to 5 shirts! The shirts are a super soft material and run smaller/snugger than your traditional t-shirt so if you are trying to decide on a size, I would say size up! They come in grey, red, and teal! Get one for you and everyone in your family!

You can pay us through PayPal (preferably by the "send to friends and family" because they do not charge us a fee that way). Our PayPal address is lindacumby@yahoo.com. You can also pay by PayPal by clicking the "donate" PayPal button here to the right. When you do that, please be sure to send me an email stating what sizes and colors you want. Just please do this right away because the plan is to order the shirts on December 5.

We really appreciate your support! Although we would love to see all of our friends wearing a t-shirt helping to bring our child home, we long for your prayer support even more! There is tremendous power in prayer! 

We may be walking this journey but God has all the details planned out! We have already seen him do some awesome things and we cannot wait testify of all that He accomplishes as we walk with Him! It is all for His glory!

No such thing as IMPOSSIBLE

Today as I was taking my children to homeschool gymnastics, I was feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the paperwork. Overwhelmed by coordinating all the appointments. However, mostly overwhelmed by the financial aspect of adoption. You see, the next payment we will have due to our agency is for $6350. I had previously thought it was going to be $4000 LESS than that so imagine my surprise when I found out that more fees were going to come due sooner than I expected. We have asked people to support our adoption financially and some people have but it has not been anywhere close to raising the full amount of $26K. I know that we are only 2 weeks into it, but I am a planner and I want to know where the funds are going to come from. At this point, we have raised about $2K. That has come from donations and from some fundraising. So, back to today. I was praying to God and talking to Him about how it all felt impossible. As He would have it...just at that exact time I was praying...the song Walking Like Giants (by Stars Go Dim) came on the radio. I began to listen to the second verse:

It might seem like the biggest mountains got you surrounded
But there's a God above it all
No fear, we keep moving forward
We're marching on like soldiers
No such thing as IMPOSSIBLE

I just finished saying to God that it felt completely impossible that we could raise $26K to bring a child home...and He responds with "No such thing as impossible!" Wow!

Cookies and Pies

I am amazed! I am a planner...I know I said that before, but I am a planner and I like to be in control. However, God is showing me time and time again that HE will provide for this adoption and that HE is in control. He is using His people to provide for us in ways I would have never imagined. Two ways that come to mind so far...cookies and pies.

One family posted on facebook that they would bake cookies for the first 5 families who donated $100 to our gofundme account! We were blown away that this family would come up with such a unique way to help us fund raise.

And today...it has happened again. Another family is baking pies and giving the proceeds from the pies to our adoption! We feel so humbled that our friends would think of ways to bless us with their time and talents!

God continues to amaze us in the ways HE is providing the funds for this adoption! To God be ALL the glory!

What is the process to adopt from India?

Here is the breakdown that we were given as to how the process will go...

Apply to Children of the World.
Begin mandatory pre-adoption education.
Complete home study process.
Register with CARA (Homestudy is sent at this time).
Complete USCIS process and receive approval.
Prepare Part 1 of the Dossier for submission to India.
Wait for a referral of our child.
Review child medical and social information to accept a referral.
Prepare Part 2 of the Dossier for submission to India.
CARA approval of match. This is the NOC (No objection certificate).
File case in India court to begin the legal guardianship process.
Receive guardianship papers from the courts in India.
Child's passport is applied for when court papers are received.
After the child's passport is received, we will make travel arrangements.
We will travel to India and spend a few days with our child before traveling to Delhi to apply for our child's visa. Our child will have an Indian passport and will need a visa to enter the US.
Return to the US with our child.
Finalize adoption through the US courts and obtain US citizenship for our child.
Complete the required Post Placement visits.

A little fundraising

The kids decided that they wanted to help out in the fundraising efforts so they are making Christmas ornaments 

and also making indoor snowball sets.

We have been overwhelmed by the response. They have sold about $450 in total and we are still taking orders.

As I sat back and thought about how surprising it was to sell so many of these, I had to laugh. I am a planner. I want to plan where every bit of the $26,000 to adopt is going to come from and that is IMPOSSIBLE. There is NO way for me to figure that out. It was like God was telling me through this small fundraiser that He would provide for us in ways we would not even plan. And you know what?!? I am good with that. You see, this is a journey we are on because God has placed the desire in our hearts! He is in control. He will provide and HE will get all the glory! I am so thankful that I serve a God that does not need me but chooses to use me anyway!

Note: we are still taking orders for the ornaments. $3 for one and $5 for two. The snowball sets are $15 for a set for 8!